One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
