I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
