we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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