u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
