Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
