Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
