Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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