3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
God, I missed his penis.
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