Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize