last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
