The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize