what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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