i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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