"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
