Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
