if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize