TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
