Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
