remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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