is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
