one two three fourrrrnication!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I want a musical about memes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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