It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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