I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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