I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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