One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize