My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
