he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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