i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
