I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
