I want to walk on stilts...naked
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
