I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize