Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
