Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
