We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
