Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
