He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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