He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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