Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
