This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize