Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
