your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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