I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
