Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You need a sexual gate keeper
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
