So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
