i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
