my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
