I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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