Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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