11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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