I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
