Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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