So drunk its hurt
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
