mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize