Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
