Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
