Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
