You work out of a Hotel?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
