watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dignity is for republicans.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
