shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
