Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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