If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
