He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
