just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
