Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my shit smells like andre
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found the puke drawer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
